Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
