So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
