you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
