Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
