Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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