you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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