Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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