Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
