i wish there were pregnant emoticons
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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