Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
