Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
