thus making me awesome and them whores
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
