I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
