this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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