im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
