She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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