Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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