I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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