Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You work out of a Hotel?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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