He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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