you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
