you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
