New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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