That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
This house was built for laser tag.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
