Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize