5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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