I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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