If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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