somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
