i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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