i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
