Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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