capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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