Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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