i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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