Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
