I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
