these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
