Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
she peed on how many people?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
