Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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