Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize