that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
