I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i think i have two assholes
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
