I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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