Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize