and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
