If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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