You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
