I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
