You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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