i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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