This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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