i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
