Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
