You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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