Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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