So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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