My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
