So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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