This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
this is an emotional support booty call
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize