and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
