belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
