Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Randomize
