i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
PANTIES FOUND
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