when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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