I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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