one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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