i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
