and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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