my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
