you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
