Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
