The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
